Apologies in advance to you, dear reader, if this post’s intro is choppy with the rawness of my jangled nerves. The writing that follows (by the way, here’s about my novels-in-progress) won’t involve names or pertinent exposing facts — it’s just me trying to eek some good out of something upsetting. Scant hours ago, right after I’d taken a shower, someone apologized for a terrible thing they did to me a long ago. Now I could use another shower.
How to give an apology in 3 easy steps:
- Don’t phone your victim… er hem person… to do it unless there’s plenty of time to converse. Don’t ask if they’ve got time to talk and if they only have ten minutes, just sob and blow through it. Not if you’re sincere about wanting to help the other person rather than merely unburden yourself.
- Stay humble and on-topic. Don’t tell them how terrible you feel for all the bad turns you assume resulted in their life from the bad thing you did. Neither inflate your importance, nor imply the person is living a messed up life — that’s not apologizing, it’s condescending.
- Remember you’re apologizing to help (or should be) the person you wronged. Don’t bother if your mind is on simply assuaging your own guilt.
7 more steps can show you mean it:
- Heed #1 above by listening to their response with an open heart and mind.
- Get to the point without the person having to dig for what you are referring to.
- You can ask them if there’s something they’d like from you.
- Better yet, say you wish you’d never done it and you’ll never (I hope) do it again to them or anyone else.
- Don’t get angry back if they get angry.
- Don’t later contradict your apology in any way, shape, or form.
I get that apologies are difficult and messy. Of course, I accepted this one and am grateful for it. Still, now I feel bad for feeling bad…
